What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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