I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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