I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
