also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We are all done wearing pants today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize