Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
