Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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