masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
