It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
