id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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