so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
