I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
