dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
