Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
