you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
