i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
