Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We named our party play list daddy issues
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
