she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
