bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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