Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No stitches, just platelets and will power
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
