I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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