Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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