I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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