We won't sleep together?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
