Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
