Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
