She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
