I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
