i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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