you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
