Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
