i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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