Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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