I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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