Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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