So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
