I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
