I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
