i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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