Non-Jews are for practice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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