so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize