This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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