I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
