i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
