cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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