I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
