I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
