May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
