I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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