pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
