It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
