I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
