I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
