I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
