THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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