I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
