Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
