so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
