a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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