Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
