One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
