we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
time to smoke my breakfast
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
