I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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