MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
