I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
