My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
