kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
