Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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