the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
