My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
