I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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