Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
