Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
