You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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