he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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