You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
