I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
