Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
