maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize