well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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