So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
