could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
