you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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