I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
