and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
