I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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