Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
