be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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