she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
