I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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