I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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