Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
