I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
