now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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