I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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