Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
