first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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