Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
