in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
