I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
